we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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