Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize