One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
