Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
