he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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