what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
