but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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