I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
