my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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