office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
