I feel great
I just peed on a car
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
