nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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