you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't turn off my feet"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
