i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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