Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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