i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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