Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
