We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
