How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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