Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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