Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sober January is a disaster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
