I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
