i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
