here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
