How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
