i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize