wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
