so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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