maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
