I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
not ubering you a puppy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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