Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
