Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
