I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
