she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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