Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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