I want to have your abortion
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
