Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
