Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize