Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
