Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
