I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
