Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
