Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
