i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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