but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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