so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
