Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
