I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
