Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
