Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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