he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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