There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
