I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
