see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
