Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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