Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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