I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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