I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
