Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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