I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
