You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
