alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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