so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
