doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
