But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
