your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
