we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
