just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
