Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
