Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize