It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
