After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
