I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
