True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
