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Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
