I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
