You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
