She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize