I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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