I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
