when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
