you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
