it was like his penis was on wheels.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
