I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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