Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
