I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
