Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
