So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
