First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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