just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize