At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
