You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
