Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
