yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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