Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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