My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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