i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
