Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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