One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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