I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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