Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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