Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
