butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at about main and main street
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
