He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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