We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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