Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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