So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i think my cat just said my name.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
