That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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