I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
a search helicopter?!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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