i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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