true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He better not be in your backpack
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
