So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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