if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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