Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize