I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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