goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
