i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
